Adam LoDolce: Ultimate Social Freedom

Meeting women during the day: The Drop and Roll Approach

admin — Tue, 28 Feb 2012 14:48:00 +0000

Once a week I’ll go walking downtown Boston attempting new social experiments. Since I speak at colleges so often during the week, and am a dating coach on the weekends, it’s difficult to find time to experiment new social and dating concepts unless I hold myself accountable. Yesterday was a very fun social experimentation day to say the least.

I was with my friend Chase, and we were getting warmed up. Doing the usual high fives, social freedom shakes and proposals, we were on fire and ready to begin approaching women. Most of the time during the day, my recommended approach is “Excuse me, I just saw you [Context of how you saw her] and I just wanted to tell you that I think you are absolutely gorgeous. I would’ve kicked myself in the face when I got home if I hadn’t come up and introduced myself”. Certainly many levels of explanation of where to take the conversation from there…but that is all detailed in Four Months to dating Freedom.

Anyways, we’re walking down Newbury street and Chase says “Dude, hold my bag, I have an idea”. I take his bag as he separates and sees to women walking in our direction. He jumps up, tucks his shoulder to the ground and proceeds to do a forward roll on the sidewalk. Miraculously, he lands on his feet right in front of these two women, chooses the women he’s interested in, and says “Hi, I’m Chase”.

This girl was a knockout. Chase, unphased, holds her hand as he introduces himself and proceeds to tell her that he would like to see her again. Her face, blush and red, and completely perplexed as to what to do, says “No one has EVER done anything like that. I’d love to see you again.”

Later that day he’s texting with her joking about his impulsive forward roll. In reality, he was just trying to immuse himself (and me) by doing the forward roll. But women want men who make them ______. For those of you who can’t fill that in, it’s who make them LAUGH. If you can make yourself laugh, you’ll make her laugh.

As a side note, until I have sufficientily practiced the forward roll, this is not yet condoned as an official approach.

Chase, hats off to a great day.

Where to shop in Boston for men: The one hour route

admin — Mon, 27 Feb 2012 14:46:30 +0000

On my sexy signature style days with men, the key focus of the day is finding the right fit and style of clothing that matches their personality and identity. This is why the style shopping day comes after our initial Unique Concise Identity™ Session and after a night out together. I’ll have gathered the appropriate intel on the image the guy should be projecting to the world.

With that said, there are some core shops that I generally recommend any guy going to on his first style day. This route can be completed in 1 hour and you can have a mind-blowing look by the end of the shopping sesh:

Start here:

1. H&M Newbury Street: H&M has traditionally been considered for women, but the men’ section provides INSANELY cheap/trendy clothing for men. Over the past few years, they’ve gone a little blander, but is a great place to go to buy 5 pairs of jeans at $30 a pop. The essential items can all be purchased here.

2. Aldo and Aldo Accessories: This is a phenomenal place to buy any type of shoes, stylish sneakers or accessories to match your identity. For what you get in style, the price is very reasonable.

3. Zara: When you see me out at night, I’m generally wearing overly tight pants and some type of rocker style button down/blazer. Zara is where I’ll get my euro style rocker clothing for a reasonable price.

4. Diesel: This is clearly the most expensive shop out of the bunch but quality is unparralleled. For every 5 pairs of jeans you buy at H&M, you get one pair at Diesel. However, you’ll gain more usage, compliments and confidence out of one bad ass pair of Diesel jeans then you’ll ever get from H&M. Word of warning: If you’re just getting into improving your look, don’t start at Diesel. You’ll probably end up wasting your money. Establish your look and your identity, and once it’s solidified start shopping at higher end places like Diesel.

5. Express: Once you leave Diesel, make the route over to the Copley mall and get a few button downs. Great stylish fits for an incredible price.

Remember, style is all about experimentation. You will end up spending a lot of time and money shopping, but the confidence and results gained are undoubtedly worth it. Quite spending $200 a weekend getting blacked out at the bars and spend $500 a month on clothing. You’re results will speak for itself.

Are you just a flight attendant in your relationship?

admin — Tue, 21 Feb 2012 21:02:52 +0000

I travel quite a bit for my job and I’ve said it time and time again, the absolute worst job in the entire world is being a flight attendant. However, I can imagine why someone would initially be drawn to this line of work, it sounds so glamorous and exciting! Unfortunately, I guarantee that after the first 2 months on the job, they highly regret their decision. The reality of the job is that it’s a waiter/waitress who has to constantly change time zones, live out of a suitcase, and listen to screaming babies all day while their ears pop. If I go to hell, I guarantee that I’ll be placed in an airplane serving coffee to grumpy passengers.

This begs to ask the question, then why would anyone stick with it? Because it was probably their “dream job” and although the dream ended up being absolute misery, they feel a driving need to stay committed. Maybe they think it’s too late to find a new career or maybe it’s just “the only life they know”.

There’s a very similar parallel to staying in an unhappy relationship. At first, the relationship may have been invigorating, exciting and highly sexual, but as the honeymoon period dwindles and the relationship takes a turn for the worst, so many people settle down because they can’t seem to envision being single again. They focus too much on the initial “dream” of the relationship rather than the current day “misery” they’re living in.

It is human nature to avoid change and embrace comfort; however, those who are ultimately the most successful in life are willing to continue to take risks and try new jobs; explore new relationships and embrace the time when they are in transition. Learn to enjoy the times when you’re single or finding a new career, you’ll be amazed at how much you’ll discover about yourself.

5 Reasons to HATE and 1 Reason to LOVE Valentines Day

admin — Tue, 14 Feb 2012 18:09:39 +0000

For those of you who have met me or know me well, you’ll agree that I’m not a sap when it comes to romance. My methods are highly objective and relatively unemotional, and quite frankly, this is why they are so effective for my clients. So on this day full of sappy love songs and cheesy news specials (I’ve been on TV twice in the past two days), it’s so critical to just take this day with a grain of salt.

Here are five reasons why I hate Valentines day:

Artificial Pressure to be in a relationship: This is coming from a guy the wrote a book called “Being Alone Sucks!”, being SINGLE can be the most liberating time of your life. It’s where you truly discover yourself rather than consistently focusing on others. Enjoy it, because you’ll probably spend the majority of your life in a relationship.
The awkward pseudo relationship: Ah yes, the hook up buddy. What to do when Valentines day comes? Ummmm….AWKWARD hug?
Less money mo problems: It kills me to spend money on someone because society tells me I have to. The way to win over someone’s heart is by doing an act of unexpected kindness at an unexpected time. Not giving someone flowers on Valentines Day. Next year give your Valentine their gift the day BEFORE Valentines day with a note that says “You should never have to wait another day to be told how much I care about you”.
Bad Music on the radio: Ugh, not a chance you’ll find me listening to the sappy FM radio today.
So called “dating experts” come out of the woodwork: Valentines day is the day when every psychologist, shrink or so called dating coach come out and try to explain how to find dates. Needless to say, the vast majority of them are 40+ and married for 10+ years. How could they possibly understand the dynamics of today’s dating scene?

Why you should LOVE Valentines Day:

Valentines day events are absolutely the most incredible places to meet other singles who have one goal in mind: give/get numbers, find a date, make out, get laid. All around the country there are organized Valentines day events that should NOT be underestimated. Motivated singles are the best singles.

So please, don’t let this lame holiday get you down. Enjoy the fact that other singles are getting off their butts today to find someone to be with and you could certainly be that special someone. Take the initiative today to get your dating life on track.

If you’d like some help in this area of your life, watch my video about my dating coach programs.

Creating a sense of urgency

admin — Wed, 08 Feb 2012 13:41:55 +0000

Imagine this scenario. I break into your house, grab a family member of yours, put a gun to his/her head and uttered the following phrase to you, “You now have 2 hours to find a date for tonight, or I’m pulling this trigger”.
What would you do? Beyond try to disarm me or call the cops (neither are options in this hypothetical), you’d probably rush out the door and go to the most heavily populated area and begin conversations with people, and lots of them.
Well, this past weekend I had a client fly in from New Jersey for a weekend intensive date coaching session. One of his biggest problems when he was out at night was creating a similar “sense of urgency” to get out there and approach women. He’s a younger client, and believes that he has “years” to figure out this area of his life.
So I decided to create a little social experiment. I surprised him on a Saturday afternoon and asked him “What happens if you are unable to learn this skill?”
Client: “Well, I’ll probably end up with some girl who doesn’t treat me the way I feel I deserve to be treated”
Me: “Let’s go to that time in the future. I want you to close your eyes, feel what it feels like for her to be yelling at you for no good reason. What does she look like? What does she smell like? What does she feel like?”
Client: “Dude, come on.” But then he sees that I wasn’t backing down. He closes his eyes and we stand in silence for 30 long seconds.
Me: “This is the reality of your life if you don’t develop this skill NOW. Today.”
I then continued to explain the days social freedom challenge: Approach 20 women in 2 hours. Basically, every 6 minutes he needs to be speaking with new women and getting phone numbers.
The results?
He was running around like a mad man! Do you think he hesitated during his approaches? No. It was timed. He didn’t have time to think, and when some conversations went over 6 minutes, he needed to breeze through conversations.

No wasting time with women he was uninterested in (I actually had to remind him to move on from some conversations)
Significantly less approach anxiety
Sexually escalating the conversation faster than usual
Always asking for the phone number

It was a fantastic experiment and by the end of the two hours he had approached 19 women when the alarm went off. He literally dashed once he heard the alarm and approached a group of two women in the bookstore, with literally ZERO hesitation.
So begin internalizing your sense of urgency today. What will your life be like if you don’t build the social confidence you need to meet the woman of your dreams?

Best Singles Bars in Boston

admin — Wed, 01 Feb 2012 15:46:15 +0000

I recently did a google search for “Best Singles Bars in Boston” and noticed that JP Licks was one of the first places to pop up. This just didn’t seem right, so I wanted to add my $0.02 to google.

This list is based on my experience as a Boston Dating Coach and going to many singles bars in and around Boston:
1. Liberty Hotel: For those of you who know me well, know that on a Saturday night between the hours of midnight and 2 AM I can be found in the lounge area of the Liberty Hotel. In my opinion this is the most phenomenal place to meet others, the music is low and the lighting is perfect. If you are comfortable approaching people in an open lounge area, this is literally the best place in Boston to meet someone.

Pro: Lots of high quality singles

Con: Expensive and no dancing

2. Dillons Dillons is in a Back Bay and is known for it’s very relaxed atmosphere and incredible singles scene. It’s much smaller than most of the other places listed here, but this can also be a positive for those who are looking for more of a dive bar feel

Pro: Smaller and more intimate

Con: Loud and can sporadically be very quiet

3. Market If I’m going out for a crazy party night downtown, Market would be my choice. It has four floors, a roof deck, many dance floors and a quieter lounge area (for people like myself).

Pro: This place has it all for any type of night goer

Con: VERY hard to get a cab in this area of town

4. Tavern in the Square: Ah Yes, the ultimate college scene. I couldn’t create this list without mentioning Tavern in the Square in Allston. This is a great place to go if you want to drink PBR’s and dance with college students on the dance floor

Pro: It’s very large

Con: People are usually VERY drunk here by the end of the night. I mean, it is a college town

5. Gypsy Bar: This is a classier club in Boston and can be a great place to meet high quality people. The dance floor is enormous, but also there is a lounge area in the front where you can actually talk to people

Pro: Lounge and dance floor

Con: Expensive cover charge and drinks

6. Royale: If you haven’t been to Royale in Boston, you need to go at least once. It truly is an experience to be remembered. This place is absolutely enormous and for a club, it’s not too loud.

Pro: Size

Con: People there are from all over Massachusetts, rather than just being from Boston.

This is a list of the Best Singles Bars in Boston based on my experience as a dating coach in Boston.

Women, start thinking like a guy

admin — Mon, 30 Jan 2012 16:00:55 +0000

When you and your friends get together, the conversation usually turns to dating and relationships. You might talk about your latest guy problem, the last bad date you went on, or ask for a friend’s advice on analyzing your boyfriend’s recent behavior change.

Men are a bit different. We talk about relationships much less than you do and, when we do, we only bring up our successes. . If a guy gets stood up or is confused by mixed signals from a girl, he usually won’t tell anyone.

The main difference here is that women tend to dwell more on the negatives of dating than the positives, especially among their friends. I’m willing to bet these questions sound familiar to you: “Why doesn’t he like me? What did I do wrong? Why can’t I just find a good guy who doesn’t play games? Why hasn’t he called?”

If you ask yourself these negative questions all day long, what’s going to happen? You’re brain is going to respond to negativity with more negativity. If you ask yourself “Why can’t I get a good guy?” then your brain is going to come up with ten insecurities you have about why men don’t like you.

Instead, nip those negative questions in the bud. Think like a guy, asking: “What about me do men find attractive? What are my best qualities? What am I proud of?”

Your brain will respond to positivity with more positivity. Think like a guy bragging to his friends in the locker room.

As your dating coach, I offer an inside peek at the male brain. I know what men find attractive, and how you can project that attraction by simply changing your mindset and your actions. Why? Because I’m a guy—and one who has worked with thousands of men to address their own dating insecurities.

Socially Free Men Meet More Women…Period

admin — Sun, 29 Jan 2012 15:57:54 +0000

I used to think that some people were socially outgoing, and others were not. That it was something you were actually born with or without. You’re either outgoing or shy– and that’s it. Some guys just have the guts to approach women, and most guys don’t. At least that’s what society would have us think.

Having gone through my own dating transformation and coached and spoken to thousands of people around the world on social freedom, I know the real truth:

You can expand your social freedom, the confidence to be your true self in any social situation without fear of rejection or criticism.

I still remember the first day I went out with the sole mission to go up and approach a woman with the intent of getting her phone number. I was physically shaking, my stomach was in knots, and every thought in my mind was telling me, “Adam, please, whatever you do, DO NOT talk to her.” I walked around for two hours and finally made an approach and just said, “Hi, how are you?”

She turned around, startled (I had creepily approached her from behind), and she smiled and said, “I’m okay, thanks.”

The conversation clearly went nowhere, but that didn’t matter to me. I took the first step forward, and realized that every approach just got easier and easier…until the magical day when it was actually fun. My first year I set a goal to approach 1,000 women, and ultimately ended up approaching 1,236 women that first year.

What’s the good news for you? You can cut this learning curve enormously because I’ll teach you everything I learned.

Why do so many men fail to approach women? They don’t take that first step.

Please don’t fall into this trap.

I challenge you today to go out and approach one woman you are attracted to. Just one. Simply say:

“Excuse me, do you know where the closest Starbucks is?”

Walk away right after—I don’t care. Just do this one approach as part of this challenge today.

I have a whole series of Social Freedom Warm Ups that help you get more comfortable with approaches. These aren’t designed to be “pick up lines,” but instead to expand your social freedom so that when you are ready to really start approaching genuinely, you will have the experience to back it up.

It is so critical to “build up tolerance” to approaching—and we do these types of activities during my coaching programs.

Dating Freedom = Unique Concise Identity + Good Flirt

admin — Fri, 27 Jan 2012 15:56:04 +0000

I can give you all the best dating tips and techniques possible (and I do!) but if you don’t bring yourself to the table as a passionate, unique and interesting person, you will still struggle to find and date the women you deserve.

Why? Women can quickly tell whether a guy is just a good flirt or a man of real substance. That’s why it’s so critical to define and build your Unique Concise Identity (UCI) before you jump into the dating fray.
Here’s the way I look at it:

Strong UCI = Mile Deep
Good Flirt = Mile Wide

Basically, if you are just a really good flirt, you’ll be able to quickly attract a lot of women in the first ten minutes of a conversation, but will be unable to retain or even get calls back for dates. If you only have a unique concise identity, you may be able to attract a few high quality women, but the opportunity will only present itself every once in a while.
So, here’s the formula to my program:
UCI + Good Flirt = Dating Freedom
So right now, I’m going to ask that you take five minutes from your day and write out the answers to the following questions:
How would you describe yourself in one sentence?
If you asked a friend to describe you in one sentence, what do you think they’d say?
How would you want others to describe you in one sentence?

If the responses are not similar for each of the three questions, then it is critical to work on your UCI.
In my dating self help audio program, I tell the story of my client John, who went from:
John is an engineer that likes music, and enjoys hiking
to:
John is a rock and roll guitarist who’s passionate about traveling the world to explore and seek adventure.
You tell me, which guy would women be more attracted to?

It’s not your fault

admin — Tue, 10 Jan 2012 03:02:27 +0000

Ok, ok, I get it. I don’t wear a sweater every day to work and certainly don’t have intensely loving hug sessions with my dating coach clients on a daily basis; however, these types of very special moments do occur every once in a blue moon.

Sometimes we’ll be out at night and we’ll see a beautiful woman walk through the door. She’s by herself, her body language is very open and maybe she even smiles in our direction. We’re thinking in our minds “wow, this is definitely my type of woman”.

There is no hesitation, my client approaches her.

Before the words are even uttered “Excuse me, I have a very serious question…” she puts up her hand and says, “NOPE – not happening”.

Bam, right in his face. It stings, it hurts, and trust me – this scenario has happened to me more times than I’d like to count on my blog. But that’s the point, the type of people who are deeply effected by this type of superficial rejection are never going to expand their social freedom to approach women. My golden rule when I’m doing in field dating coaching is “Laugh when rejected”.

There are 1,287,789,278 reasons why this may have happened. Sure, perhaps your style needed some work, or you weren’t smiling enough during the walk over – but unless this is happening very consistently, you can only blame this on an external factor. For all we know, her boyfriend just broke up with her that day or there was a death in the family.

We’ll never know.

So please, save me from having to go therapeutic on you and just laugh when rejected.